"you just don't understand!".................. do I?

"We think we understand the world around us but, you really only see the outside, what it seems to be."


Doc Love strikes again...
This is something that you might have experienced. But then again, you might have seen this somewhere else. Either way, it happens... and it's happening alright.

Have you ever had a very special someone in your life where he/she was like the perfect someone? Everything seems to have gone right. Nothing seems to be wrong. No arguments, no fights, no misunderstandings... and that everything you ever wanted in a partner was everything he/she is?
You have so much fun together and everything seems to go right when suddenly, you realise something. Wait.... what if something goes wrong? What if I did something wrong and he/she decides to leave me? All the sudden, this huge mass of unnecessary worries flock your brains and you've got no choice but to scrutinize them one by one. You try to find every possible flaw that you might have and try to patch it up somehow even if it doesnt make sense. Your clothes don't look good? you buy new ones... you think you don't look pretty enough, you get a facial? And every single thing that your partner likes/dislikes, you follow them so closely and try to fulfill everything that soon, you don't even know whats right and what's wrong.... the reason?

You love him/her very much.

Your love your partner so much, that you are striked down to the bone of fear of losing him/her. Sometimes you are so afraid of losing them that everything you do seems not good enough or just plain wrong? You start to apologise for no apparent reason(and quite often too) because you feel like everything you do seems to screw things up. You feel so guilty if you said something wrong that you'd just do almost about anything just to turn back time and make things perfect. You want to be perfect..... because you want to be with a perfect person? Soon, as the day goes by, the fear gets stronger and stronger, you're starting to think that you should call him/her to spend some time with them. The next minute, you decide not to because he/she might be busy doing something and that might get them angry? You are so afraid... that sometimes you feel like not doing anything at all to preserve the moment, because things are fine now and you don't want them to change. But then again, he/she approaches you on why are u staying away from them and you realise "damn.. i shouldnt have done that". You do something, it could go wrong.... you don't do something, it still could go wrong!! Now you're totally lost...

Another part of it is insecurity. Sigh.. I hate to say this but insecurity IS my greatest enemy. I once lost someone to insecurity, I'm gonna make sure it doesnt happen again. Anyway back to the topic, when you seem to have found that perfect special someone, everything seems to go right... it's like in a love movie being played in the cinema. Everything just seems so right but then.. it all happens.. insecurity. Let me explain this from a guy's point of view... (this is one of the many versions of insecurity)
It's like you're dating this girl..... Jennifer Aniston.
hmmm... it's like, she's the dream girl every guy wants. And you fall for her, little did you realise she likes you as well and she wants to be with you and soon, the love story starts out. At first, it's like a dream come true. Soon, things start to get complicated. In your eyes, she is the perfect girl every guy could ever ask for, she knows how to do loads of stuff that you don't. She knows everything about everything!! She's so talented, smart, sophisticated, good looking.... she's nice, caring, understanding? She is like all the way up there! Soon, you find yourself inferior to her. You feel so small standing next to her because she's like the cream of the cream and you feel like you're just like everyone else. Just another person in her life.... You start to wonder, does she really love me? or is she just playing with my heart because she knows I love her very much? You start to wonder if she's seeing other guys when you're not around. You start to wonder if she's for real because you don't see why she wants to be with you. You think, "She can have any guy she wants, why does she want to be with me?" To make things worse, you start to feel insecured that if another better guy comes along, she might leave you for that someone else because you're not as good looking or expressive or thoughful.... etc.... You start to doubt your partner. Sometimes, when your partner tells you she loves you, although you really want to believe it's true, there is a small part of you that doubts those words... now let me ask you this, what makes you so sure Jennifer Aniston doesnt feel the same way about you?

Sometimes in life, we find many problems (or at least we think they are) that we cannot solve. We feel helpless to think about these things that we just walk away. But do you know, if you walk away, you have just let your greatest fears come to life? If you walk away from a relationship like that, well.... you may have not lost your loved one... but did you know?

Your loved one may have lost you.....

I have to admit, that there a lot of things in life that I dont understand. But at least I try to see things thru your eyes.. I want to know what's on your mind...

Optimism: When you believe in something so strong, the belief becomes so real, it becomes part of your reality. Even if there are those against my beliefs, I will MAKE them believe and see the light. To see how things really are, not what they think it is. I will work hard and never give up. Because I only have one life... and in this one life, I only have you.... and no way am I giving up just like that.